Women's math conference today...would be so great if I were here in life. What do I need: I need to be involved in something outdoorsy. I wouldn't matter if the hike I went on was 2 miles from my house instead of on the other side of the world. Exercise. I don't think I can do this without help from medication. Maybe I could but what might I be losing out on? I might be losing out on several months of productivity. Months of thinking clearly. I'll do it. I have to know that I'm going to heal. I'm not going to resign myself to doctors. I have to learn that they really don't understand the complexity of the issue and neither do I. I don't want any nocebo effect. I'll start selling things on ebay.